Well, I won't have the internet for very long, so I thought I would just toss out some things. I like vegetables. People from the ghetto look at you funny when you tell them you don't weigh yourself. Mental contamination happens when one thing is associated in your mind with something bad and it takes on the bad feelings even though there is nothing bad about that first thing other than it's proximity to the second thing. Writing with carpal tunnel is hard, but it distracts from self criticism. I miss my fingertips, though. Paragraph breaks make things easier to read.
Sometimes I wonder if my occasional breakthrough binge/purge behaviors occur (in part at least) because so much of my identity is based on my ED experience and recovery and I am afraid to be totally without it. The bites all over my legs are healing up, so I feel less like a leper. But I am so afraid of bedbugs now that I spend half the time convinced that my awesome new place has got them, too. And then I wonder, am I being paranoid, or are my fears legit. Since I am much more of an anxious person than I used to think, it's hard for me to know exactly how much credence to give my fears. I bought new shoes from a guy selling them on the corner (oh, the ghetto!) and I love them.
Tonight I am buying a vacuum. Chores are easier and more fun in a house that it just mine because it's not work, it's making things how I like them. When I was younger, I had a big cackly laugh. It went away for a while, but seems to be coming back. My friend is making another upswing of progress against his depression and alcohol dependence and somehow that makes me feel a bit useless. I get the feeling this blog is going to be trending towards personal entries. Or maybe I should make a personal blog and keep this one for ED topics only? Thoughts, oh nine followers? Ha! You're like the Fellowship and I must be the One Ring.
Ok first of all I don't care if you split your blog like I did or keep it all in one place. I will continue to read every blog you post no matter where it is.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow bedbug survivor I can tell you that FOUR years later every now and then I pull back the sheets and check my mattress. Bedbugs do something to a person... My Bf who has no "brain problems" like I do also still gets worried once and a while. We check in hotels, other peoples homes, our futon after someone else stays here etc. We both had bedbugs at different times in our life to (funny story we didn't know each other yet but it was the EXACT SAME APARTMENT we both caught them from. He moved out and I moved in and that's not even how we met. By the way I used to live in a semi biggish city not a little town like we do now)
Oh my god... I just word vomited all over your comments section. I'm sorry... *Lays down that vomit kitty litter stuff* I'll come clean that up later...
My point is the bedbug paranoia is normal. Its going to get way less severe eventually. If you want to be sure go and buy "raid spider blaster" that's like the only raid that will kill bedbugs because it keeps killing for two weeks if they step somewhere you sprayed it.
*Throws down more kitty litter to cover the word vomit*
*scoops up the kitty litter*
ReplyDelete*Fixes her typo's*
*sanitizes the floor*
My bedroom now is very pretty. It's like being underwater: dark blue carpet, bright blue walls, white ceiling. I am going to get christmas lights for it. ANYWAY, I will be keeping it very clear of things (clothes are going to live in my bathroom). So it will be a little shrine just for sleeping BUT it will also be very easy to vacuum compulsively and spray and spray and spray. My landlady shiftily got me some actual exterminator bedbug spray, so I'll be using that biweekly until it is gone, then I'll switch to spider blaster.
ReplyDeleteI may never stop.
OH! And I was going to tell you two things 1) I think of you and Canada fondly every time I have to use a flathead screw. And 2) it turns out that there is a grant program here called WANTO that promotes women in traditionally male professions. I am going to apply for a position as an apprentice electrician! It made me think about you, and flathead screws.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI think you should just go where the blog takes you, if it gets personal, so be it. That's my opinion. That WANTO program sounds really cool. Electricity is fun.
*hugs again*
*hugs back* Here's hoping it's not another pipe dream like the police test was.
ReplyDelete