Can't I Just Kill it With Fire?

I think one of the reasons why a lot of us find our feelings hard to deal with is that we incorrectly categorize them.  Because they happen inside our heads and hearts we tend to think of them as a sort of wordless thought, but in reality feelings have a lot more in common with the senses. 

Thoughts can happen fast, but a thought progression is also under our control.  We can rewind, check our logic, reevaluate ethics, even revisit an entire chain of thoughts step by step.  On the other hand, though a feeling (especially one that is being repressed or not appropriately dealt with) can last a long while, it is hard to recall a feeling with the same force without being exposed to the stimulus that first provoked that feeling.  So, for example, I can think "I like cats." and think about all the reasons I like cats to confirm that conclusion of my own volition.  But while having my cat on my lap makes me feel happy, I can't just will myself to be happy because I was happy that time there was a cat on my lap. 

Similarly, with unpleasant emotions, we can't just will ourselves to not have them.  We can learn to stop thinking harmful thoughts, but emotions arise in response to stimuli. We can't stop ourselves feeling scared any more than we can stop from seeing a bear in front of us.  Both the feelings and the sight of the bear are a warning that there is danger nearby.  Now, many of us want to stop feeling certain feelings, but that is as risky as shutting our eyes to the sight of the bear.  The bear is still there, all you're doing is removing your early warning system.

So the real task is not to stop having difficult feelings, but to use them to alert us to the bears in our lives.